I don’t feel like we’re suffering. Something must be wrong.
Those are the words that came flying out of my mouth when my husband came home with everything he purchased to start doing some home improvements. He assured me that he did not use our credit card, our checkbook balance could handle the heft of the purchase and even though I’m not bringing in any income yet…we’re fine.
And then those words came flying out of my mouth.
And then I saw that all too familiar look on my husband’s face that says “Are you crazy?”
Yes, honey. I really think I might be.
I haven’t brought in a steady income in two months, our standard of living has not changed and my husband says we’re fine. He’s either lying to me or our math is wrong.
He’s not lying and our math is accurate.
We have made some significant changes around here since I left my job. No more daycare expenses. Reduced our grocery spending by half and we are not eating out. Those changes pretty much sum up my old paychecks.
But somehow I equated that making changes that would be good, even great, for our family must equate that we are going to…must…suffer for it. God answered a two-year long prayer and I’m concerned that we’re not “paying” for it.
It’s moments like this, when the rubber meets the road, where I come face to face to what I REALLY believe about God.
I falsely believe that if God answered my prayer about staying home with my family, I’d have to pay for it by suffering in some way, shape or form.
Thankfully there are Bible verses that combat my false beliefs. I just need to take the time to look for them and learn what’s true about God.
Like these verses from Luke 11:
9 “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
11 “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”
God knows how to give a gift and He gives them without conditions, strings attached, or a price tag. He does it all out of love.
All I need to do is accept.