There are four months left in 2012 and I’ve made some progress on my Finish Year list.
1. Lose 8 pounds a month. UPDATE: I’ve lost 35 pounds so far. That averages to about 4 pounds a month. I had hoped to be farther along on this goal but I have to say that I feel pretty good.
2. Run the Bix race in July. UPDATE: This goal is completed. I ran 2 of the 7 miles (walked the rest) and had a ball doing it. The best part was my husband, Rick, did the race with me. We are currently looking at another fitness goal we can do together and are leaning towards a 100 mile bike ride in 2013.
3. Blog twice a week on a regular basis. UPDATE: I hadn’t even attempted this goal until recently. Most of my blogging work has been done on the Children’s Ministry blog at my church. Now that all three of my kids are in school and a couple of friends are relentless in their pursuit for me to write again, this goal is back on track.
4. Pay off our car. UPDATE: Accomplished in March thanks to a tax return. Next goal is to eliminate our credit card debt.
5. Have the first draft of my novel completed. UPDATE: Not sure about this one, but I’m working on a plan to reorganize my life to start working on this.
The Finish Year idea from Jon Acuff was, and is, a great idea. Writing down my goals for the year and having them where I can see it every day has been very effective. When I quit my job back in November to work from home as a virtual executive assistant, I wanted to have time to achieve these goals but was secretly afraid that I would waste yet another year. The Finish Year list is the reason I haven’t.
Now for the confession.
There are two Finish Year lists. One on paper for anyone to see as they walk by my desk. The other one is in my head and it contains the items I didn’t want to write down or have anyone know about. They are the things I knew I should add but didn’t want to.
I don’t want to work on them.
Because they are infinitely more difficult to achieve.
I used to be on staff at my church. I was there for 7 years. When I left EMPLOYMENT there (I still attend), it was difficult. I could count on one hand how many of my former coworkers would still speak to me. If I went to the trouble to count them up today, I’m pretty sure I’d still have fingers left over. No one responded to my volunteering offers for months. I was and sometimes still am angry. I finally begged God to help me because I had a kung-fu grip on my anger and hurt and didn’t want to let go.
God is faithful and is helping me with this but I’m still having setbacks. Like when a former coworker came up to me and my husband at a social function a couple of weeks ago and said, “Rick, I don’t think I’ve ever met your wife.”
Yeah you did. I sat in the same meeting with you every Tuesday afternoon for a year.
And the anger comes back.
I struggle immensely with faith and church. Today was the first time in 6 months I’ve read my Bible and prayed on my own, not because it was an assignment for my Bible study. I still feel very wounded and vulnerable and have resisted anything to do with Christian culture. I say that the purpose of this blog is about faith and the struggles it involves. Notice I don’t write very much about it?
I haven’t wanted to think about it, process it, deal with it or move on from it.
But it comes to my head every time I look at my public Finish Year list. It’s not going away. It’s time to deal with it.
So now, I’m adding it to my list.
6. Read my Bible and pray daily.
7. Ask God to help me forgive.
8. Ask God to create a clean heart in me.
9. Ask God to pry my fingers off of my hurts and let them float away.
The bottom line is, it’s not about anybody else. It’s about me and how I choose to be. I need help on this and have to start asking God for it.